Friday, September 23, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Mommy Awards
If only there could be an Emmy award show for mothers. If actors, actresses, and TV personalities get recognized for their work, I see no reason why we should not get recognized for ours.
Some might say that Mother's Day is our chance for awards and appreciation. However, it's not the same. For one, I received a plant and not a gold trophy and two, I did not wear a glamorous dress and three, I did not see a red carpet anywhere.
Here are some possibilities for categories:
1. Outstanding mother who still functioned after massive amounts of lost sleep
2. Outstanding mother who still got the house cleaned, at least, before the guests arrived
3. Outstanding mother who potty-trained. Enough said.
4. Outstanding mother who stayed in with a sick child all day. In the house. To save other parents and children from having to go through what she was going through.
5. Outstanding mother who cleaned up food that didn't stay down like it should have.
6. Outstanding mother who changed the worst diaper ever, even though, if she were honest, she thought about leaving him or her in it forever. No one should ever have had to subject their noses to that smell.
I can't act, but I can do these other impressive things and I might not, make that definitely will not, look as good as Heidi Klum in a designer dress, but that doesn't mean I don't work hard. It just means I don't have a personal trainer and someone to cook me healthy meals. At least that's what I tell myself.
I would like to nominate myself for categories 5 & 6. The only explanation needed can be given in three words: Berry Cobber (5) and Kiwi (6).
If I won I would say: I can't believe I'm standing here right now. I would like to thank the little guy (literally) in my life who made it all possible. Without him, I would not have changed those awful diapers or those sheets. It was all worth it, but if you could please be potty-trained within the next year, that would be great. And thank you for this six-pound gold trophy and the chance to wear this awesome dress.
(Swelling music signals me to leave the stage. Did I mention there should be a stage?)
Some might say that Mother's Day is our chance for awards and appreciation. However, it's not the same. For one, I received a plant and not a gold trophy and two, I did not wear a glamorous dress and three, I did not see a red carpet anywhere.
Here are some possibilities for categories:
1. Outstanding mother who still functioned after massive amounts of lost sleep
2. Outstanding mother who still got the house cleaned, at least, before the guests arrived
3. Outstanding mother who potty-trained. Enough said.
4. Outstanding mother who stayed in with a sick child all day. In the house. To save other parents and children from having to go through what she was going through.
5. Outstanding mother who cleaned up food that didn't stay down like it should have.
6. Outstanding mother who changed the worst diaper ever, even though, if she were honest, she thought about leaving him or her in it forever. No one should ever have had to subject their noses to that smell.
I can't act, but I can do these other impressive things and I might not, make that definitely will not, look as good as Heidi Klum in a designer dress, but that doesn't mean I don't work hard. It just means I don't have a personal trainer and someone to cook me healthy meals. At least that's what I tell myself.
I would like to nominate myself for categories 5 & 6. The only explanation needed can be given in three words: Berry Cobber (5) and Kiwi (6).
If I won I would say: I can't believe I'm standing here right now. I would like to thank the little guy (literally) in my life who made it all possible. Without him, I would not have changed those awful diapers or those sheets. It was all worth it, but if you could please be potty-trained within the next year, that would be great. And thank you for this six-pound gold trophy and the chance to wear this awesome dress.
(Swelling music signals me to leave the stage. Did I mention there should be a stage?)
Friday, September 9, 2011
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