10 Steps to a Successful Grocery Trip with a Toddler

Step 1. Be prepared. Bring at least two snacks. If using coupons, organize them ahead of time. You'll thank yourself later.

Step 2. Bring reinforcements, at least one extra person whose sole purpose is to push the cart in amusing ways.

Step 3. Locate (scour the whole parking lot if you have to) a cart with the child's car attached so the toddler can "drive". This will buy you a vital fifteen minutes.

Step 4. Work fast to find the items on the list. "Pretend" you have thirty minutes before a bomb is going to go off and you must finish before then.

Step 5. At the 1st sign of toddler's imminent boredom, offer the 1st snack.

Step 6. As soon as the 1st snack is devoured, offer the 2nd snack because a meltdown is not far off now. It's helpful if the 2nd snack is more appealing than the 1st snack.

Step 7. Work even faster.

Step 8. As soon as the toddler shows he's done shopping in not so subtle ways, such as screaming, it's time to go, no matter what's still left on the list.

Step 9. In response to the toddler's pleas to "Walk! Walk!", offer to let him or her give the cashier the coupons, the cash, and/or the credit card. Smile as the cashier comments on how cute this is and resist the urge to explain in great detail how it's actually your amazing foresight and preparations that allow the toddler's cuteness to be evident.

Step 10. Congratulate yourself. You now have food in the house!!! This is no small accomplishment. Then sleep well (provided no said toddlers wake up on the middle of the night from nightmares or just because).

That Darned Little White Whale (Baby Beluga)

It's official. E.'s favorite song is "Baby Beluga." I know this because almost immediately after we get in the car, from the backseat I hear "Baby Beluga, please?" And then after the song has played once through, the question comes again. And again and again, until I give in and we've listened to it the entire way to wherever we are going.

I would say that on average we go somewhere at least once a day and one car trip usually affords us enough time to hear "Baby Beluga" at least four times. That means I'm listening to the song at least 8 times a day, 56 times a week, and almost 3,000 times a year. How can one little person like a song that much?

Sometimes, if we're lucky, E. forgets or doesn't notice when the song has ended and we make it to track number two, which isn't a bad song in my humble opinion. However, we never make it past or even all the way through track four before E. realizes we are wasting valuable time during which we could be listening to "Baby Beluga."

Needless to say, I practically have the song memorized. I know all about that little white whale on the go. But I'm not sure I agree with the line "Sing your little song, sing for all your friends, we like to hear you." We might have liked you once, but we'd like a break. We'd like to hear something else. Anything else. Please.

(For your enjoyment:)

P.S. Not sure why the truck has to be the microphone, but I do know that a microphone is always, always necessary.